In the last months, we’ve presented two interviews with young subs (Jessie Forest | Alex Sillyboy) for whom bdsm has been a way to overcome bad experiences of their past. Today I’m talking with a young British kinkster, a cute switch, about control, submission, domination and his experiences.
Hi Alex. If I remember the time I was in your age, one of my most important goals was to spend as much time as possible with friends or meeting new people. To be at home was definitely something i’ve tried to avoid as good as possible. Friends, party, alcohol, sports and sex have been what I wanted to do. How is it for a young guy as you are to be inclosed at home cause of the Covid situation?
It’s not been so bad for me… I’ve just had an operation on my knee so I wouldn’t be able to go out anyway so I’m not missing out like I would’ve been haha. Having said that, it’s been very hard this year as I’ve made friends with so many amazing people online that I normally would’ve met up with 10 times over by now, but due to covid we still haven’t been able to meet.
I’m actually yet to go to my first event, and I was planning to go to as many as I could last year and meet as many people as possible, but covid kind of ruined tbag as well.
Yes we’ve strange times, but with all the vaccinations we can see a light at the end of the tunnel now. But let us talk about you. How long have you already been living out your kinky side, and how did you come to that?
I have been living out my kink life since I first started having sex at around 14. Being totally honest, my first time wasn’t the most pleasant and hurt me for a quite a while. I guess kink helped me through it and let me escape from myself when I was struggling. Even though I was doing it for so long, I only took it seriously around a year ago when I made my twitter! I connected to so many people and really felt like I found where I belonged 🙂
Oh, you seem to be a sexual early bird. Do you want to tell us about your first experience and what the problem has been?
I was raped when I was 13… it was pretty traumatic but now I look back as a blessing in disguise honestly. It really opened my eyes to how the world can really be and is what made me start kink and that changed my whole life.
Sexual abuse is a crime, and in my eyes even worst if the victim is such a young boy. But let us talk about how kink has changed your life after this bad experience. Why was it such a help for you?
It sounds a little bit fucked up, but I guess the idea of being able to control what happened to me in a sense. This time when im tied down, blindfolded, whatever it is I’m doing I have control. I can make it stop. And when I’m doing it to others I know how it feels.
Yes, this kind of “control” is important. But isn’t it more the trust you have to people you know and that you can feel safe with them?
Oh 100%! It goes without saying I only ever meet people I trust and have a good connection with. That’s one of the most important things there is within kink. If the trust and connection isn’t there then I can’t relax and get into the right mindset.
There are guys who love to do SM cruising in darkrooms or other places. What do you think about?
Everybody is free to do as they please with who they want, but personally it’s not for me. I’m happy to go in with people that I know but I wouldn’t really stray from those I don’t think.
What was the attraction of losing control in an SM session after your rape experience, and how old have you been then?
It was only a few months later I started watching that kind of porn and wanted to try it out, and my boyfriend at the times dad was a police officer… so he kept saying he would steal his dads handcuffs and use them on me and the idea was always super hot but we never actually got the chance to try it 😅 we ended up breaking up and i spoke to a guy online for a while, and we decided to meet up. He tied my hands with rope behind my back but only tight enough that I could slip out. And I loved it!
From there I watched more kink porn and tried out more kink and it’s still snowballing today! I’m finding out more and more kinks and wanting to try more and more too. The best thing is with each perosn it’s a totally different experience. I could have the exact same session with 3 different guys and it would always have a different feel.
Yes, the interpersonal relationship is important in BDSM. Every sub and every Master are different, and the same action feels total different with different people. What is the attraction of losing control?
I just find it incredibly horny hahaha!
It’s hard to answer. There’s no specific or correct answer to it. If I had to say something I guess it’s the idea and excitement of knowing something horny is about to happen but not knowing when, how or what.
As you’ve told us in the beginning, Covid has minimized your sessions. How do you live your kinks at the moment?
When I get back to Leeds it’ll be online mainly, over calls or through videos/texts. I’ve still been buying lots of gear over lockdown and have been going over a lot of fantasies with other doms/subs and playing them oht through texting. It really helps me get an insight of how they see a session going, so I’m a bel to use that for/against them depending on the situation haha.
Are you just talking with them about kinks and bdsm or are you also into cyber sessions?
Yes I do also cyber action. I don’t really enjoy it so much as a sub, unless I’ve got a really great connection with the dom. If the connection is great with the dom then even online they can still get into my head and into that mindset! But as a Dom I love it! I can have a few boys all doing things at the same time and if they’re into it I’ve even used them against each other in little competitions haha! For example seeing who could use for the most pegs on their balls, exposing them if they’re into it, that kinda things.
What is the attraction of dominating guys online?
The main attraction is that it’s the only thing I can do right now haha. I grew up in the middle of nowhere, so I couldn’t really meet people until I moved out, so I’m pretty used to that kind of session as well.
So it is just a substitution of real life encounters. That I can understand. But now we’ve really to talk about your kinks and of course also about gear. You haven’t had a lot of real life action yet, but can you tell us, what have been the highlights of your experiences?
The best experience for me … I stayed with a Dom in scotland for a month and had an amazing time. Because I was around him for so long he really managed to get inside my head and make me feel extremely submissive towards him. We did a lot of leather worship, bondage, sub/dom etc. I think the highlight was reallt understand just how much he could get inside my head and manipulate me into doing whatever he wanted. I trusted him completely that he wouldn’t abuse me of course haha.
Yes, trust is the base of good SM. Was it supposed to be a full month from the beginning on and have you visited him as friend or as slave?
It was only meant to be a few days to a week haha. But we got on really well as friends! Although we had a great dynamic, we didn’t really click as slave/master, and even today we’re still great friends!
Oh most of my slaves remain good or even close friends to me. I think that a slave-Master-relationship don’t exclude friendship. As a Master you need to have a good understanding of your boys and this understanding but also the trust you can find easier if you have also a friendship. You’ve told us, that you have become extremely submissive towards him. How did that show?
Well whenever I did something wrong or let him down I actually felt bad about it. It wasn’t just roleplay or a hot scenario, it was genuine emotions haha! He made me feel loved but also degraded and humiliated me at the same time. I can’t explain the feeling but it was very intense.
Well for example he would make me doing something extremely submissive like kissing and licking his feet, slapping me across the face or spanking me, but then kiss me passionately and tell me how great a job I was doing.
Or if I was in the wrong hed punish me and degrade me and tell me how awful I was, but then afterwards embrace me in a deep hug and stroke me hair telling me he’s only doing it because he knows I can do better. He’s doing it for me own good almost.
I see you’ve met a good Dom. That is the way it has to be. I would never humiliate or punish someone I don’t really like and who isn’t important to me. What is the attraction of feeling inferior?
Exactly! I learnt a lot from him actually.
I guess the attraction comes from the idea of wanting to please. Having somebody to impress and work for. Somebody to focus my time onto. I didn’t really have much going on when we met so it was a great distraction hahaha.
Hehe. In my eyes, it is an important point that to feel inferior or submissive is nothing people have to feel bad about and also nothing that others should blame someone for. It is a natural desire. And important is that devotion has to be earned. In good SM you can just dominate people you take also care about. That is a key point. I also say that to be submissive doesn’t mean to be inferior to the whole world. It is about to serve your Master and other tops your master trust. What do you think about?
Oh, I totally agree! Although it can be hot to role-play with the idea of being inferior, and I so believe that some submissive are inferior to dominant men. I don’t believe that being submissive makes you inferior, though.
It makes you act inferior but you aren’t.
Well it’s fun to act as if a man is totally better than me, as it’s fun to act as of a sub is totally inferior to me. And during the moment it can really feel that way as well. However it’s important that I both make sure my sub knows it’s roleplay and they’re loved, just as I expect to be treated when I’m submissive.
Would you like to continue your journey as a submissive and dive deeper into the slave world?
Slave no – Submissive yes. I could never be owned by somebody, I don’t think. It’s just not who I am, and I can’t really say more on it haha.
And what are your future goals as Dom?
Just to explore myself more, meet new people and try out new kinks! Continue to learn and teach others in the process 🙂