Today I’ve a boy with me, 19yo, but everything else than innocent. He is posting a lot online, has his experiences as escort and wants to do porn. But not every twink who shows his cute and positive sides online has had just positive experiences in life and sometimes a good relationship to a Master, who knows also about his responsiblity, can have positive effects to such a life.
Hi Jessie. I know you’re living your kinky side mostly as sub but also as top. What is for you the fascination of kink sex?
For me any type of kinky sex is a sort of role play. When you’re submissive, Dom, pup or slave, your putting aside your regular life and giving in to your deep desires. For example when I’m submissive, I’m giving into my desire to serve and pleasure. To please my master pleases me. I also love being used. It can be a bit scary but to give yourself over to someone completely is amazing knowing you have no choice but to please makes me feel so good.
Jessie Forest
1998
United Kingdom
Are you really playing a role if you’re submissive or do you just live your needs and desires you really have and feel inside yourself but which you can’t really show in society because it works different there?
I don’t think so. Being submissive/kinky can be a part of a balanced lifestyle. I think there are certain things that you would miss out on if you were submissive 24/7 but weather the pleasure and benefits of being a 24/7 sub outweighs the things you’d miss out I’m not sure. But I would like to find out what it’d be like to live in a society where I can be submissive 24/7 and weather I could do it. I think It would take a lot of trust between master/sub, to be able to give your entire life to service. Aside that initial jump into a new world of submissive I think I would enjoy it.
Out of experience it is possible to live it and yes, it is a big step but in my eyes such a relationship is much more deep going than a romantic one. You’re right, trust and conscence is the base of good sm and that needs time. I know you have been serving a Master for 4 years now. The first two years until you’ve turned 18 was a cyber relationship and then it turned to a real relationship. Do you remember how you’ve started your slave experiences?
It started with my fascination with pup play, then I download Recon when I was 16. One day I got a msg from my now master, I remember he was dominate but also kind and respectful Somthing which I hadn’t experienced from others. We just kept talking, he’d teach me about everything I know kink and bdsm. Kept begging to meet him but wouldn’t till I was 18. I remember going to meet him for first time, I was a nervous wreck but he relaxed me and opened my eyes to whole new world of sex.
That is what many online “masters” forget, that to be a Master doesn’t mean to be rude and egoistic, it means to take care about his propiety, to pretect it and to develop it in a good way. It seems your Master is one of the good ones. But it is difficult to carry responsibility just online. How was for you the change between online slavery and the real experiences as slave?
The change between online and real was easy. Online and real are both mainly about completing tasks and pleasing master. The difference between online and real is mainly physical contact. You can be as verbal and dirty as you want in messages but nothing compares to hugging your master. The physical contact between Dom/sub only heightens the experience and pleasure.
If you do cyber you’re always in your own environement in which you feel safe. How was it to present youe in the vulnerable positon as slave in a total new environement for the first time?
The first time was scary, not really knowing wether you’re going to enjoy it until it happens. Being tied up on the bed with a dildo in my ass was the moment I realised that I completely enjoy being submissive and after the realisation I instantly became more relaxed which made me enjoy it more.
I wasn’t really sure of what to expect. I’d seen pictures of other boys he played with but I didn’t have a clue. I thought this could either be a great experience or worse experience. He picked me up at train station as I shook from my nerves. We talked and he relaxed me as we went to the hotel. We got into the hotel room and he started showing me his different toys. Never seen so many kinky toys I was in heaven… I got into the gear and felt at home with myself. Seeing me wear cuffs turn me on, it just looked so perfect on me.
Can’t remember much of what happened that day but I remember afterwards feeling so happy that I went through with it and I’d enjoyed it. I’d become a new person now that I had this submissive side to me. Though I was initially scared afterwards I’d developed such a deep trust for my master. Not just The first person I didn’t just have fun with but also to have a loving, calming, joyful experience.
Trust is so important and I know it was not really easy to earn your unconditional trust after the experiences you’ve had in your past. Probably we should do a trip down memory lane. As you have been 14 years old a hard time started. Do you want to tell us what happened?
Yeah so when I was 14 I was a horny teen wanting to loose my virginity so I went online to find someone who would meet me. Looking back now I can see it was very naive thing to do but I thought I could take care of myself. I eventually found this one guy and we planned for him to pick me up and to go back to his place. When we got there, their was another man inside. Before I knew it they had grabbed me and started stripping me. Not to go into detail but they raped me. I lost my virginity to 2 guys beating and raping me.
So after that first experience I was still keen to have a good fun. Met a couple guys sucked them off but after that bad experience I started to get depressed and without anyone to talk too I wanted to try drugs. I found a guy who would give me weed in exchange for blow jobs. But what I didn’t know was that these meets where being filmed. After the 3rd time he showed me the videos and told me that I was his bitch boy, he could do anything to me and if I didn’t he would post the videos online. I was so scared being blackmailed into sex and slavey. Then after a few times he started to invite some friends over, who would wear masks on there face. I would be drugged up and passed around. Then instead of his friends coming to me, I had to start going to them. I would turn up get abused get given money which I had to give directly to my now pimp. It was such a horrible situation everyday I felt worse till oneday I just snapped and smashed his tv and kicked him in the balls. Ran out of the house and fortunately never heard from him again.
Uff, out of the frying pan into the fire! I understand that such experiences leave marks, and not the marks we like. I know from other boys that even if they are the victim they ask themselfs often, what they have done wrong. Have you also asked you that question and have you found an answer to it?
Yeah I often asked myself that question but I don’t think there is an answer. Doesn’t matter how stupid I acted it’s up to the other people not to rape and do bad things.
You’re totally right and it is important for yourself to know that you’re not the bad guy who has done something wrong. The other guys have been the ass holes. But could you give some advice to others, how to prevent such negative experiences?
Well the best advice I can give is to be cautious when meeting strangers. There’s not a lot I can say about preventing it apart from using logical. But if you have been through it or are going through it the best advice I can give is to speak up. Talk to someone about it because you are never alone
Have you had such people to talk about what happened?
Yeah my Master.
I’m quite sure it wasn’t easy to tell him the story. I’m sure you felt ashamed in the beginning. But in front of a good and real Master you have never to feel ashamed if you talk about you, your experiences and your needs. A good Master is not the guy who is just giving orders, he is the guy who wants to support you, to protect you. When have you felt for the first time, that you can tell him everything and that he will not judge you?
I remember after the first time I met my Master that we just kept talking. Not necessarily dom/sub stuff but things in general until we were talking almost every day. I think that sense of friendship and Dom/sub relationship overtime grew till I eventually trusted him completely.
What would you say are the characteristics of a real and good Master?
I think a good master is not only dominating but also respectful. They should realise that slaves are not only for their use but they’re responsible for the slave and their wellbeing.
You’re totally right and I would be happy if many others who call themself “Master” would be conscious of it. You have also started to top other boys. Would you call yourself a Master or do you see yourself more as a top and what is for you the difference between the two terms?
I’d say that I’m a master to my boys. I can be both sub and top or Dom and top. Topping isn’t anything to do with being a master. Being a master is more about the control you have and creating a good experience for both Dom and sub.
And waht is what you want to give to your boys? What is your job in this relationship?
It goes down to my deep desire to please and pleasure. My boys and I talk about the different things we would like to experience and as the master it’s my job to try and provide that experience in a fun way.
How much is your Master the role model for the Master you want to be for your boys?
My master has been a huge role model for myself now only as a Dom but as a person. He’s taught me everything I know about kink. I wouldn’t know where I would be without him. I can only hope I’m a similar influence to my boys.
Just about kink? I thought he has a bigger role in your life, even more after what happened to you the time before. Am I wrong?
Yeah. Outside of kink he has been my support and best friend. The one person I could talk to about anything.
Out of my experience the fact that submissive boys have to strip naked and learn to loose their shame in front of the Master help the boys to feel free to talk about emotinal problems and other things. The striptease they make in front of their Master is not only a question of cloths. It is much more. Being vulnerable and exposed in front of a person you trust totally and you feel safe opens also the gate to your soul. Or how do you see it?
I quite agree, the act of being naked and vulnerable is humiliating for the sub but it teaches us our place. Not just to serve master but to be his completely, by being intermit with them both in body and mind.
Do you think that your submissive side and the fact that you have found a Master you can totally trust in have had its importance to overcome the negative experiences you have had in your past?
Yeah absolutely. Without my master and the trust i have I don’t believe I would be the person I am today. Without learning to trust my master I don’t think I would be able to trust anyone.
I quite agree, the act of being naked and vulnerable is humiliating for the sub but it teaches us our place. Not just to serve master but to be his completely, by being intermit with them both in body and mind.
Do you think that your submissive side and the fact that you have found a Master you can totally trust in have had its importance to overcome the negative experiences you have had in your past?
Yeah absolutely. Without my master and the trust i have I don’t believe I would be the person I am today. Without learning to trust my master I don’t think I would be able to trust anyone.
