If you are hoping for a simple recipe for master’s here, I’ll have to disappoint you. While it is great to live SM as a master, it also demands a lot from you. And to guys who are looking for power on their way to being a master I can already tell you that you may will be able to dominate others, but you will not become a master.
A real master is looking for responsibility for his boy or his boys. He wants to dominate them but also shape them, be there for them, bring them further and he wants everyone involved to be well. And he can only do the whole thing because the slave seeks, needs and wants to do this. Consensus is not a “Nice To Have” but a condition. Furthermore, the “master” must not get in his own head too much and over it. He must not take himself too seriously and certainly not more seriously than his boys.
A “no one” remains a “no one” even if he finds a stupid man who submits to him.
Master is not a hierarchical title but a function name. The dominant person is not the better person than the slave. They are just different functions, a word that I prefer to use as a “role”, because for me roles are played characters. But if we’re already talking about roles, then I almost have to throw my favorite allegory into the round:
I like to compare the SM with a play performed in a theatre. The Master has a leading role in this. Also the slave! The big difference lies, however, in the fact that the master, in addition to the role on stage also takes the role of screenwriter, director and often also the theater owner in personal union. Seen in this way, in the whole picture, the master serves just as the slave …. just in a different way.
Put simply, the slave serves in the moment while the master is serving in the surroundings and circumstances. This entails a lot of responsibility and the master must be aware of this. Much more, it should actually be this responsibility that he longs for. Power cravings should NEVER be the motivator for the SM.
From the outside, many always see the power gap between master and slave first. Yes, this is obviously the focus of their actions in the SM that is lived. I write this text from the eyes of a Master, but also with the eyes of a Swiss, a country that stands for equality and democracy like almost no other. From tradition feudal structures are something we are against and hierarchies are less important than functions. Clearly, hierarchies result from different functions. Thus the waiter serves the guest. However it does not mean that the guest is better than the waiter. They are different functions.
A good waiter has chosen his profession voluntarily because he likes to do it and he feels comfortable in this role/function. Same way in good SM. The slave is a slave because he likes to do it and because he feels the need to serve, to be there for others and to subordinate himself. You can’t choose a guest in the restaurant, but you can choose which restaurant or hotel you can apply for. In making this decision, one should depend on where one feels comfortable, whether one shares the philosophy and whether one corresponds to one’s culture. Need and emergency lust is never a good guide to decisions! In this comparison, the Master is actually much less the guest than the hotel manager and as a good manager he supports his employees in their work, and is also there for them if they have personal problems. He is jointly responsible for the well-being of his employees, and is the one who sets the guardrails so that a good working environment can also be created. The other parties involved are partly responsible for the latter.
But what about the power of the Masters and the obvious apparent power gap?
Personally, I always advise slaves who ask me not to go to Masters they feel that power is something he likes and that he is looking for. It is similar with politicians. Never choose a narcissistic autocrat.
But as we all know, not everyone heeds this tip. But that was their free choice with which they then have to live for a while.
A good master seeks responsibility. Ideally, he is almost addicted to take it on, for himself but also those who voluntarily submit to him. Now it can be objected that the slave also bears a certain responsibility, at least he feels the consequents in punishment if he does not live up to his responsibilities. That is true. Like the master, the slave also bears a responsibility for what he does and how he does it. In addition to this executive responsibility, however, the master also bears the organizational responsibility. As I said earlier, he is responsible for the whole and for everyone involved in it. In order to fulfil this comprehensive responsibility he has broader competences and authority. This is what third parties like to perceive as power. However the apparent power is actually only a by-product of the responsibility, a tool to be able to meet this responsibility, and actually almost something like a gift that his subordinates make to him.
But now we have talked enough about restaurants, cultural establishments and politics. Let’s talk about SM!
Mastership is not defined by a hunger for power, selfishness and a leather hat. It is much more an inner need to lead, demand, promote and protect. Even if it often looks as if the master is at the center of the plot, as a master I have to put the well-being of a slave at the center of my actions. They want to serve me and they want to satisfy my desires, but it is I who also includes in my desire the unspoken desires of the slaves. As a Master, I am responsible for the well-being of ALL those involved. It is my “storybook” which defines being together, whereby this must not be rigid, but adapts situationally. Everyone is different and every situation is different, but more like that in another article.
You need to know your boys very well, because you are responsible for ensuring that their needs are not neglected. A motivated slave who knows that he gets what he needs and wants in the long run, is also be able to motivated to do things that he doesn’t like in a situational way. But you have to be able to read him well. You have to feel what the boy is still able to endure in the situation, what he is capable of and also what he is willing and motivated for. Not selfishness but empathy, not a hunger for power but a sense of responsibility, not the leather hat but your character are crucial for the trust that your Boy gives you. You have to build that trust and it’s the basis of good SM. That takes time, but it is worth investing this time and this effort in a boy.
A slave who knows that he can trust you as a master because you take care of him and make sure that he can live his needs will rise in his function, and you will have a loyal and trustworthy guy at your side whose actions are aimed at making you feel good as a master and that you are fully satisfied.
Excellent article, well written and revelatory.