Once upon a time … every one of us was a newbie in the fetish world. In our new series “My First Steps” we want to show that this second outing seemed a big and hard step which in the retrospect was less hard as we thought mostly. Today we present Whisper, a young pup from California who has had really heavy problems with his kink outing. He can really be proud that he has arrived his own goal to live what he feels. With our articles we want to encourage newbies to live their kinks and to see the satisfaction it brings instead of the problems only.
sadOsam: Hi Whisper. Before we talk about your first steps into the fetish world we want to know a little bit more about you: Can you introduce yourself and tell us what you’re into?
Whisper: I’m Whisper. I’m a 20-year-old pup from Tulare, California, and have been living in San Francisco for ten months since January 2016. I’m an active member in the San Francisco pup community. I am also a drag queen that’s trying to thrive in the San Francisco drag scene as a dominatrix drag queen, Sadyst Payne .
My primary kinks include bondage, piss play, humiliation, daddy/son, pup play, impact play, electro, and numerous others. I discover new kinks every day.
sadOsam: When have you felt that you’re into kinky stuff and how have you felt as you have realized, that your sexuality is a little different from the standard?
Whisper: I knew I was kinky around age 16, but at the time didn’t realize there was a name for what turned me on. It started with watersports. I was so turned on by the idea of watersports because of porn. I remember waiting until my parents weren’t home. I would grab a cup and pee in the cup and chug the cup of steaming piss. I saw the porn and knew I wasn’t alone, but living in the conservative Central Valley of California, I felt like an outsider.
sadOsam: How have you explored your kinky desires and when have you started to contact other people to live it? How have you encouraged yourself to start to live it with others? Do you remember how it went back then? Was that a big step for you and have you had any problems with it?
Whisper: I was 16 when I started to explore puppy play online. I had stumbled into the pup community on Twitter by accident and instantly loved it. That opened my eyes to the broader spectrum of kink and made me want to explore more. Because I lived with my parents, I couldn’t.
When I moved to San Francisco in January, I decided to jump feet first into the kink community. I went to events hosted by Leathermen’s Discussion Group, Mr S Leather, Kinksters Under Forty, and San Francisco Ring (a BDSM education group). I started to meet people who were interested in what I was into. Knowing that there was people like me, made me feel comfortable to the idea of living out my kink.
Not long after I started going to these events, I met my future Daddy CastroKink. We set up a session not long after meeting. I was so nervous because he was a real player and I was completely inexperienced in kink. Since that first session, I’ve gotten to experience so much with him and have grown an unspeakable connection with him. I’m glad I took that step into the kink world.
sadOsam: Often there are differences between kinky phantasies and the real lived kinks. Have you had such kind of sensations? Are the real lived kinks better, worse or just different? Can you explain it to us?
Whisper: With kink and the scenes you do with others it’s a lot like a scene in a movie, every one involved is an actor in the fantasy being played out, whether you are the dominant or submissive in that scene. It’s awesome to live out fantasies now that I had always wanted. I think that living out your fantasies is better than dreaming about wanting to fulfill them. Kink allows us to be raped, degraded, used, humiliated, abused, or whatever we might fantasize about in ways that are safe, sane, and consensual
sadOsam: Can you tell us about positive experiences with your “second” coming out?
Whisper: When I started getting involved in the Tumblr kink community, I didn’t think that someone so close to me would use something I loved against me. For the first time in my life, I was happy about who I was. Then one of my closest friends exposed this side of me to my parents and my whole world came crashing down. I was suddenly “out” as a pervert and freak. My life totally turned upside down. My parents attempted to trap me twice in my hometown with no connection to any of my kink family in San Francisco. Any time I mentioned kink, they would threaten to ruin my friends’ lives and put me in a psychiatric ward.
This may seem like a negative experience, but it allowed me to see who truly cared about me. Throughout that ordeal, I had my Sir and my friends telling my story and keeping people updated on how I was doing . People started finding ways to contact me and tell me that everything will be ok. I got donations day after day, trying to help me get the money to come back to San Francisco.
I remember one night after talking to my family, my parents cornered me in the living room and were saying horrible things about my Sir, saying lies about him. They sent a link to my Tumblr to all my family members, trying to give me an intervention and saying that I needed a therapist.
But even though I felt so weak, I knew my kink family had my back. The whole San Francisco kink community was behind me, doing anything they could to help me through this. On June 10, 2016, my Sir and my best kinky friend drove five hours and rescued me in the middle of the night. I returned to San Francisco and started my new life as a fully out kinky gay boy, pup, and drag queen.
sadOsam: Have you had any negative experiences? How has it come and can you give advices to other newbies to prevent them?
Whisper: When I first came out to myself as kinky, I wanted to jump feet first into the kink world and ended up continually hitting a wall. I was so desperate for a dom that I kept running into horrible guys. There’s a dom in San Francisco that always comes to my mind when thinking of negative experiences, let’s call him JM.
I started talking to JM online when I turned 17. He was the dom that talked a good game. I remember when I started to join the San Francisco kink groups online and being warned about him almost a year before I moved to San Francisco. But I was that sub who was so desperate, that I ignored the warnings and didn’t realize what I was getting myself into
I started hanging out with JM after I moved to San Francisco. He would put me in an obnoxious collar (even though I wasn’t collared by him), make me walk only on the right side of him, wouldn’t let me talk to others when he was around, and would talk bad about any of the doms I started talking to online. (I’d later find out he’s repeated this exact tactic with dozens of other boys in hopes of finding one foolish enough to stick around long term.)
JM would tell people I had an STD in hopes to scare them away from me and even made up a lie about me having herpes and spread it around. By then I had met CastroKink and realized that I didn’t deserve to be treated so badly. So I said “fuck this” and did my own thing and stopped caring what this JM said. He still tells lie about me to this day.
So my first suggestion is that when someone is shunned by most of the kink community, you should listen and not ignore the warnings. My second suggestion to all the new submissives out there is to not just jump to the first dom you meet. Develop a true connection with a dom before you decide to get collared by them or make a commitment.
sadOsam: How has your life changed since your living your kinks? How do you live your fetish life nowadays?
Whisper: My life has changed for the better. Kink, to me, is a release whether I’m submitting to Sir or dominating one of my betas. I’m always surrounded by kink, through tumblr, my youtube channel, and twitter. Sir and I play nearly daily and all of my friends are kinky or accepting of it. Even when I’m at work I have some sort of gear on under my work clothes.
sadOsam: Do you have other advices for kinky newbies?
Whisper: My advice to all the newbies in kink is to never be afraid of exploring your kinks. If you like watersports, then do it. It’s so easy to feel ashamed of the things that turn you on, but instead of be ashamed of them, be proud of them.
And if you’re not sure if something is going to turn you on, you only live once. Give it a try. You’d be surprised the “weird” things that end up feeling so good.
sadOsam: Thank you. It was great to talk to you and to participate at your experiences.
Whisper: Thank you, it was weird taking a trip back to the past, but it was needed.
You can find Whisper also on Tumblr and he runs also an own vlog on Youtube.
