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I rebooted my entire sexuality

The First Steps into the Kinky World of Brock.

Once upon a time … everyone of us was a newbie in the fetish world. In our new series “My First Steps” we want to show that this second outing seemed a big and hard step which in the retrospect was less hard as we thought mostly. We want to encourage newbies to live their kinks and to see the satisfaction it brings instead of the problems.

sadOsam: Hi Brock. Before we talk about your first steps into the fetish world we want to know a little bit more about you: Can you introduce yourself and tell us what you’re into?

Brock: Always nice to talk to you. I’m a 39 year old leatherman from London, and my main interests are pup play (I’m a big fan of this, having been a pup for three years), fisting, and BDSM. I’m currently in two BDSM relationships: I serve a Master, and I handle a pup of my own. So I guess you could say that makes me a switch, since I happily sub for my Master and I enjoy dominating my pup!

sadOsam: When have you felt that you’re into kinky stuff and how have you felt as you have realized, that you’re sexuality is a little different from the standard?

Brock: I’m a late arrival to the scene. I was completely and totally vanilla until I was 36 and moved to London. Once I did, I tried kink for the first time in the form of light Dominance/submission, and I was immediately hooked! I knew it was right for me, so I dove in and tried to explore as much of it as I could. I took to all sorts of kinky practices very easily: bondage, SM, impact play, role play, animal role play, pain and pleasure, ass play and fisting. You could say I’m into all sorts of things and am the kind of guy to try just about anything – so far I’ve hardly found anything that I’ve actually tried, which I don’t end up enjoying! That probably sets me apart from a lot of men out there, and that’s  fine, to each his own.

sadOsam: How have you explored your kinky desires and when have you started to contact other people to live it? How have you encouraged yourself to start to live it with others? Do you remember how it went back then? Was that a big step for you and have you had any problems with it?

Brock: All of my kink and fetish life is in the last three years, and joining the scene was a BIG step forward for me – it was like I rebooted my entire sexuality, everything from my likes and preferences to my taste in men to how I sought sex and played. I began it socially, by meeting other guys to talk and play with, and in the beginning a lot of it really was talk, getting to know leathermen and kinksters and fetishists and exploring their interests through conversation as well as play. I also had my first BDSM relationship very early on, just three months into my overall exploration of kink, and that taught me a great deal not only about the scene but also about who I am and what I want and like.

As for how I encouraged myself to live it with others, I actually went pretty extreme on this: I cut myself off from my vanilla life completely, forcing me to immerse myself in the leather scene. It was quite a tough adjustment at first, but it got me up to speed fast, and it taught me a lot of what I needed to know very, very quickly. And, fortunately, I met a lot of really good men during that time, who helped me a great deal in my exploration. Naturally I encountered problems, including all sorts of bad attitudes and poor treatment. It kind of forced me to learn how to sort out sane players from insane ones! No lasting harm done, though, and the good experiences vastly outnumber the bad.

sadOsam: Often there are differences between kinky phantasies and the real lived kinks. Have you had such kind of sensations? Are the real lived kinks better, worse or just different? Can you explain it to us?

Brock: Of course fantasy and reality is different. There are no limits in your imagination, whereas in real life there are always limits, even if you don’t recognize or acknowledge them. That doesn’t make fantasy necessarily better! In real life, the emotions and feelings can be very strong in kink and BDSM, and sometimes surprising – men who fantasise about submitting themselves to a Dominant, for instance, might find all sorts of fears and trepidations creep up on them in real life, even if in the fantasy they’re completely willing and eager. But then facing such fear in a trusting environment can produce an enormous rush beyond anything you could imagine!

Put another way: all of us have fantasies. We also have things that stop us from pursuing or fulfilling them, usually fears and worries. Facing those fears, overcoming them, and then living out our fantasies is one of the best things about kink.

sadOsam: Can you tell us about positive experiences with your “second” coming out?

Brock: My second coming out, as a leatherman and pup, was fortunately relatively smooth. Perhaps because I came to it later in life, I found the process easier than I might have done had I been in my teens. I’d already surrounded myself with other leathermen and kinksters of similar interests, so I had the support network. What remained was to convince my long-term partner that this “new” man he saw was in fact the same old me!

Luckily, I had good mentors in the beginning, so I had access to good information and support, so there was very little struggle with it. Also, I sort of leapt out into the open very quickly, and that made the process much faster and probably a whole lot more painless than it might have done had I drawn it out for longer.

sadOsam: Have you had any negative experiences? How has it come and can you give advices to other newbies to prevent them?

Brock: Oh yes. Where to begin? I think one very obvious and important point to make here is that when a sub, especially a new or uncertain sub, is seeking a Dom, it’s very, very easy to get caught up in something that’s either too deep, or inappropriate, or simply to find a Dom who isn’t good for you. I met several Doms and handlers up front who simply weren’t who they said they were, or who weren’t competent at handling boys, and I got a lot of rubbish treatment and programming from some of these men (I won’t even call some of them Doms, they’re nothing of the sort). Here’s my advice for subs who are new and who are seeking that sort of experience: hang back just a little bit and see what your instincts tell you about anyone presenting himself as a Dom. See if it feels right, or if it feels a bit wrong, and if it does feel a bit wrong, stop and take an objective look at the situation. Chances are, your instincts will be at least partially right. Listen to them, and let them help you make a good decision.

sadOsam: How has your life changed since your living your kinks? How do you live your fetish life nowadays?

Brock: That’s a tough question to answer – because my life is based around the fetish community! Actually, it’s more about having the courage to embrace who I am and what I enjoy, to enjoy it openly, and to encourage others to be just as open in their embrace of their own kinks and fetishes, whatever they may be. I try to encourage and to educate others, and I try also to make my presence on the scene something that adds to a supportive and open environment. I am an owned boy myself, and also I train other boys in what I like to think is an encouraging and uplifting manner, and hopefully that means I can make a positive contribution to the kink and fetish scene overall.

sadOsam: Do you have other advices for kinky newbies?

Brock: Don’t be afraid. Don’t hold back out of fear of what others may think, or how others may react. You’ll probably get some negative reaction, but chances are, the positive will greatly outweigh the negative. Not everybody will like the same things you will, but some certainly will, and you’ll never be alone in your preferences. Seek guidance where you need to, and listen to your instincts if they try to tell you something’s not right. Be open to learning and trying new things. Be open to others who may have vastly different interests than you have. And be kind: you’re joining a community, and you’ll get out of it what you bring into it.

sadOsam: Thank you. It was great to talk to you and to participate at your experiences.

Brock: Always a pleasure!


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