Thoughts of a permanent slave candidate

MasterMarc: In the last few weeks I’ve had the pleassure to chat with a very interesting 24 years old slave, who is looking for permanent slavery. We have now talked and discussed for many hours and he let me feel, how serious and strong his desire is.

During our cam-chats I’ve given him the “homework” to think about some subjects and questions and to write his thoughts down. This essay is a selection out of his emails he sent me, in which you can see, how this nice and intelligent guy thinks about his life and permanent slavery.

Hey Marc,

How r u doing? As promised I am sending the email before 18h00.

Yesterdays chat with you made me think about what I want for a long time again……so I finally fell asleep at 7 o’clock in the morning……waking up in the afternoon and rushing into the city and now I am back….but I wanted to send the email before I took my dinner..

Well to begin with myself

What do I actually want or how do I see my life? I want to be controlled in life. Deep down there is a natural submission in me. And I really believe that if I give up my born rights by freely choosing for such a lifestyle I can be freer in the end.

And why do I think or believe that?

Because I know that deep down in me there is a natural submission……and if someone can bring that above by making me submit to him……I will be more free because I can be myself then and not what the world expect me just to be. That is why I think that this freedom will give me more satisfaction than the one that everyone has.

Do I know what it takes to be in a real master slave relationship?

No, but I can imagine how hard especially the beginning can be

How do I know that I am not just looking for a sex master slave relationship?

I did experience such a relationship one time, but it did not fulfill me.

The reason for that is that you know that the domination ends as soon as the sex is over……… you know that once you walk out of the house you are not being dominated anymore.

I don’t know if I can call just having sex where one person takes control a master slave relationship..

Because to me that just seems like a role play in which I believe that I can even be a master for the period of time.

Am I afraid or excited to enter such a relationship in the future?

Definitely both, afraid of not knowing how my life will look like in the future, because the main decisions are not longer taken by me and even if you think or believe that you can trust a person you never know how he will use that trust. And yes excited because I know that eventually when being in such a relationship I will find peace, warmth, the kind of love and security that I want and that will make me whole and feel free

What kind of a master am I looking for?

Someone that I can trust and I have to feel that someone in the sense that I feel good about myself when submitting to him.

And yeah someone who can handle me. I know that I am not an easy guy; definitely not a person that agrees to everything or doesn’t have his own opinion…….and I know that my stubbornness will make it very difficult for me especially in the beginning to totally and completely submit. I guess that it is good to know your advantages and disadvantages when entering such a relationship and I know that having a strong will as a slave is not an advantage.

So definitely someone with a strong character…because otherwise in the long run I will be dominating him. Someone who can force you to go further but knows that everyone has limits and how to extend them slowly.

The character of the master needs to be strong because to turn someone into a real slave is hard…..because of all the pain and humility that you will feel at certain times to get to the point where you are a good slave who can submit.

Why is trust so important in my opinion?

Well first of all this relationship takes you way deeper than any other.

Your future is in the hands of the one person that you completely trust to give him this power and responsibility.

In a normal relationship you can just step out of it whenever you don’t want to…but because here your master has taken a lot of important decisions regarding your future it will be very difficult to walk out. And because of all the controlling there are no secrets in this relationship….or at least they will come out very fast……and because of this the master knows the fears and a lot of the slave’s thoughts which he can use for the good or the bad.

Do I think that eventually I can be a good candidate slave for a real master slave relationship?

Yes with the guidance of a strong loving master I can reach that point…….but to get there will be very difficult.

I make no mistake about that…….changing your character ….even if it is for the better in the long run both for the master and for you as a slave can be extremely difficult……..character change or changing your attitude is already difficult……..but changing it to become a good slave….is hard……and it takes a lot of humiliation…pain and tears to reach that point

If I had to make a top 3 of what I am most afraid of what would they be?

1. humiliation
2. electric pains
3. spanking

Humiliation I know is needed to reach your goal of being a good slave……..but that can be so hard at first. Electric or spanking I am just afraid of the physical pain. But in the long run the humiliation will be worse…..that I can really imagine

What do I think about your homepage?

I liked the part where you say that you have to start slow because you don’t know how far you can push the slave. so at that point he is in control……..good thing to know. Here it shows how soft you really are (I am just joking with you). Now seriously, this all shows that to you a slave is a slave but nevertheless you care about your slave

I liked Stephan’s and your journal…because it is good to read something from both sides. He had a really tough time with you there, but like you explained to me things just didn’t work out the way that the 2 of you planned.

Well the rest we already discussed and I guess that it was good for me to read a bit about you……and yeah I just have to see how good I can take my first real master slave relationship……….because the sex one that I had only lasted like 3 hours….so there I did not really had to submit …..Except from sexually submitting …..there was not much

I know that if I come to you…..;it won’t be like what people call a relaxing vacation………I will have to work and prove myself….I know that I have to start like people say…from scratch ….. that will be difficult but eventually not really  important……the importance is how far I can go ….how well I develop…..how fast my progression goes

Why am I serious about all of this?

First maybe I should explain myself. I came to the Netherlands in the year 1999 with my mother. although we were middle class in Curacao ……here in the Netherlands we had to start all over…… at first we moved in with family but after that we had to find our own place and settle ourselves… but besides just the financial stuff….we had to build up a new social life…..we left everything behind in our old country…. And living in Europe is completely different than living in the Caribbean…..and those hard years I will not forget…..so to answer your question…. I know that giving up everything is not a game….it is real and difficult…I have done that before and it is definitely not easy…… but for the first time I will also have to give up some of my social life with my family or at least in some way because it will be very strict and very controlled in such a relationship.

But to go back again……..; I was the one who really wanted to go to Europe…in a way I already knew that I was gay and I could never live like a free man there. Curacao is not like Europe…but then again it is also not like Jamaica for instance where people throw stones at you if you are gay……but everyone shouts at you and you are not accepted by the small Curacao community……

I came to the Netherlands where I outed myself and accepted it and I found some peace that now I could just be me….and that I was free but still it did not feel like it……..; celebrating and dancing at gay parades still did not make me feel that we were free as gays.

I have always been the person in control…..maybe it is because I always dare to go into a discussion…..I was not spoiled by my parents but in a way I could always get what I wanted….and even now…..today for instance I went to Amsterdam……….; there they had ticket control in the metro and the guy who checks your tickets told me that my ticket wasn’t valid anymore because one hour had already passed..I went in discussion with him for 10 minutes …told him everything that went wrong and why I came late in the metro and eventually I won…… and ok that was good because I did not had to pay extra …….. but that is just the way that it has always been….me going in discussion with someone and eventually just winning…. And you know …even if I win….it does not really satisfy me…….. that is why I know that I seriously need someone who can just stop me whenever he wants to………even if I am totally right .

Well what I just explained is why I am serious about real slavery and not just sex slavery,

Because this has no sexual aspects involved.

Why do I need a serious master?

Well I know myself and I know that if someone is not very strict and serious with me………..it will never work with me.

And in the beginning I will definitely need someone who will not be reasonable with me………

Because if you are reasonable with me….we will have discussions everyday….because I will try to get my way by getting into a discussion with you………that has always been to way for me to get what I want and if you fall for that…….you will probably fail as my master because I will take whatever is necessary to win the discussion (which in fact I don’t even want to win).

Someone who can really makes me feel as low as possible…….and punish me for the most stupid mistakes that I make…sometimes maybe even punishing me if he just thinks that I am going to make a mistake…..because I know that otherwise I will never accept his authority over me.

And I know that;  to get to the point of accepting him; and dedicating my life to him in order to make him happy will involve a lot of pain and humiliation (and I know that my master will use it in a lot of situations…sometimes even when he is just bored)……..but will or do I like that? not really (but I know that it will be needed)……..but then again……a slave is not the one who should like things….he should just like making his master happy.