An article about finding your position in the kinky world.
As a submissive you want to serve. You want to be treated in certain ways, you want to fullfill a Doms wishes and make him happy and be happy yourself. But there are a lot of different ways to do that. When you are new to the kinky world, you first have to find your own style you like and that suits you. For that you naturally need to know what all exists.
Choose your Character
In the fetish community, there are some submissive lifestyles that people usually tend to define themselves through. They are not the only ones that exist, god no. There are all sorts of other kinks out there, but we just look at some of the most known here. I should also say that these explanations are just rudimentary and a bit stereotypical descriptions and do not give you big insight, as that would go to deep for this article. For that I recommend you to read other articles and to talk and meet with people that live it out. The descriptions are just there to show you a bit whats out there. Now, back to the topic. You may find that you totally like one of them, but it can also be that you have tendencies to even all of them. That is totally natural, as a lot of people like all sorts of fun and the borders between those lifestyles are fluent. Every person is different there and has his personal mix.
Sub
A sub likes to be the sexual servant. He likes to be obedient, tortured or other to have other kinds of BDSM fun. But mostly only in sessions. as soon as he is out of the bed he will be pretty much your normal guy from the next door again. They often like their own independence and lead their own lifes. They just like to have kinky sex too.
Sometimes he even is the more dominant person in the relationship, even if he likes to be the bitch in bed.
Son
The son type feels the urge to be guided, to feel the warmth of someone that he can feel near to and look up to. A person to trust and to follow. A father-like figure. Whereas you quite often see that they include dominance aspects in their lifes, a daddy and son relationship doesnt even necessarily have to include sex (A lot of them do that though 🙂 ).
It is more the bond of trust and guidance that is the important thing to the both (or more) of them.
Human Pet
Pets are a little bit different from all others. They like to slip into the role of a pet and be treated as one, get to a primal level, forget about the worries as a human and like to have fun like that. Even though they are submissive, since most of them are very playful the importance to them does not lie so much in following every single order as to bring joy, fun and laughs into the life of their handlers and kinky friends. Just as real pets do.
Slave
Whereas the subs role often ends with the sexual act, the slaves go a little further. They want to be guided from somebody else too. A lot of things in that area have allignments to a daddy-son relationship. The control and dominance aspect is stronger though. A slaves motivation is to and serve their Master and make his life easier.
Some want to live fully as slave, strip themselves of all their rights they have to submit themselves to their Masters completely .
Submission with a shot of Dominance, please
The upper ones all show you different submissive styles. But there are some people that, even though they mostly are submissive, also have a dominant side inside of them. Many discover that after they initially felt they were a total submissive and are a little bit overwhelmed. Some of them even think they don’t fit in anywhere. But there actually are some personality characters that you can find quite often in the fetish world.
Alpha
The alpha is still a slave, sub, son or something. But he has a higher role inside of his hierarchy. He has a certain degree of responsibility for the other ones beside/under him, but still serves his Dom. So basically, he is a little bit in a sandwich position.
There are also some that have such a big dominant part in them that they are more a Co-Master than an alpha.
Switcher
The switcher differentiates from the Alpha, as he can switch from a sub to a dom and doesnt necessarily take orders from anybody when he is in a dominant position. Many can freely switch between those two states when they or their partner want to change positions, and do feel natural in that mindset once there are in it.
Who am I?
Those are the well-known types, and they are just rudimentary descriptions of them. Some people immediately find their place and know which way they want to go. They feel that something is just right for them, and want live it out as good and much as they can. But since life isnt a computer game where you just choose one of the options and go start exploring like that, you will maybe see that you have a certain pull to more than one of them.
With experimentation and experience comes wisdom
Yes it is an old clichee. But most do have a certain amount of truth in them. This one too.
Many submissive people like to be sexually obedient, want to give up control of some choices but still want some over others. They will want to fool around and have fun with their Dom. They want to be guided but not eventually be shackled to somebody. Some need to serve but still want to dominate Some include dog play elements in the living of slavery. There are all sorts of mixes out there. And you will need to explore and experiment to find the one you are comfortable with. You will discover what urges are important to you, what your needs are and interests.
Change
It can happen that something you like now you may dislike in 10 years. Your interests will start to change. For example there are a lot of people that start out as submissive, but later become dominant. That happens quite often. It can take some time to readjust then, but ulimatively it is something interesting you can explore and enjoy.
Trust and Care
To do all those things, you need somebody to try them out with. No matter how much of a masochist you are, to punch yourself in the gut or balls when you are alone isn’t really fun. In these days it has become a lot easier to find people with the same interests. You can just make a profile on planetromeo or recon and begin your search. But you shouldnt just say yes to the first person that asks you to be his sub, slave or whatever. Best is you chat with people, find out who you can trust, who has the same interests as you do.
Safe exploration
We have written it a lot in our reports already, but it just is one of the most important things. Every sexual and dominant act should be consensual. Of course, in BDSM there are some things you do even if or especially because you dont like them, or you want your boundaries pushed. But in those situations there still is kind of a consent there, even if it is not clearly visible.
There is a difference between things that have an abusive character and abuse. A good Master will never do the latter to you. It is important to him that you feel in a safe and trusted environment you can just let yourself go. If you do not feel so, you should immediately say it and try to resolve the situation. That also applies if you feel like you cannot control your fear anymore, and realize you start to panic. If your partner cannot calm you down and you are not able to regain self control, then it may better to take a break.
You can find some tipps and tricks in our other beginner reports. There you can also find safety measures for first meets and other stuff.
End note
A personal advice from me, the writer, is to never give completely up on something. Sometimes it doesnt really click with a person, he may doesnt have the experience, you just had a bad day or something bad happened. That can take a lot of fun out of the experience and leave a bad taste in your brain. But that should never be a reason to never try it out again. Often if you try it out again it can be totally different. It kinda like everything that has to do with sex. If you cramp up its no fun. But if you can open up and relax, it can become very enjoyable.
Illustrations by Nicolas Brunet. Thank you Nicolas for your great art work.
