An article for and about Masters!
If you think that you as Master, DomDad, Top or Handler are kind of a god, who can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants and as much he wants, then don’t think about living it in real life. You would be a very bad person and to call yourself a “Master” would be a serious offence of all the guys who are living the real responsability they have as Master.
As Master (that includes also DomDads, Tops and Handlers) you are a servant too. I love to compare the roles of the bdsm and fetish guys with the roles of a theater. The slaves have as you do yourself as Master of course a leading role, even if we don’t give this feeling of importance to the slaves 🙂 … but you as Master are at the same time the director, the storybook writer, the facility manager, etc.
We as master serve our slaves too, but in another way as the slave does!
You expect that the slave gives up his rights during the session or even in a longterm bdsm relationship. That’s really demanding. If you want to get this gift of trust you have to give a lot too!
You have to give your best to protect him, to avoid all possible dangers and to give an eviroment to the slave in which he gets the feeling of being powerless, defenseless, humiliated, with no rights but at the same time he has to know, that he is safe, protected and that there is a guy who is taking care about him.
As master you’re responsable for your acting, for your boys, for their acting and for the situation you all are in!
Before you’re not willing to take all this responsibility you can not be a real master. If you just want to play and to top others, probably you should do groups sessions and be an alpha to a real master. To be an alpha means that you can top others but under control and direction of a real master, who is your boss too.
SM has to be consensual and communicative
That is the big difference between the fetish and the historical slavery. A sub has to transfer his competences out of a free will to you. That can be limited by time or actions. You have really to talk with your slave before you start your action.
You have to know him, his experiences, his likes, his non-goes, his musts and of course also his personality. It is a long way to explore a new sub and it is your work you have to do. Your slave has to be your center of attention!
Even if the slave gives up all his rights, you as master are the TRUSTEE OF HIS RIGHTS. You have to guarantee him that you will do all your best to avoid situations in which he is in danger or actions he is not willing to do or not ready for it.
If you have all the information what a sub is ready to do, what he wants and he needs, then you always have to be aware of the fact that horniness, fear and a lack of knowledge have been involved at the moment he has given you the information.
It is not enough to have a list with yes and no … you have to communicate and to talk a lot. You have to know how experienced the boy is, you have to know, how much he likes the action and of course, how important it is for him.
Then you have to interpret the information you’ve got. Your experience as master will help you. But don’t confuse your experience with an unjustified feeling of self confidence!
Communication is really important in SM.
In the beginning it has to be a verbal communicaton. As longer as more it will also become a non verbal communication. You will be able to see and even much important to feel, how your boy is doing, if he feels good or not. But enable always time frames in which a boy can speak openly to you. As better you know your boys as more you can become a pasha. Isn’t that the aim of being a master? 🙂
SM has to be fun and satisfying
… not only for you as master!!!
The good thing is, that the desires of masters and slaves are theoretical complementary. But you as master you have also to find the boys whose desires fit with yours. As everyone has his own desires and there isn’t any standard of needs you’ll not really find a guy who fits 100%. That isn’t necessary, but there has to be a big intersection of need and desires. As master you can also educate your slaves a little so that they explore new needs they haven’t thought that they have.
You have also to know that a lot of subs have the need to be forced to things they don’t like. But that is always a little play with fire. In this situations you have always to take care about the boys real limits. And please be aware of the fact that limits can change in situations. Sometimes it is possible to do much more than the sub has ever thought, sometimes, e.g. if he is stressed by something else like family, job, etc, you can reach the limits faster than normally.
SM has always to be a concensual use and not an abuse of a boy, even if some situations have to have an abusive character.
As Master you are responsable, that the boy is happy in his situation and that his desires and needs to serve, to suffer, to be humiliated, etc. are satisfied too.
SM needs time and knowledge
If you see a master whipping, it looks so simple. But is it as simple as it looks like? SM needs a lot of knowledge. You will never see a good master whipping the kidney area. But that is only one of the facts you have to know. And there are a tousands of such examples. You as master you have to know what you’re doing, how you have to do it and at the same time you need also to have the empathy for your slave.
Go step by step! Don’t do things you’re not really informed about and if you have new toys, test it please on yourself in a moment you have time for it. Don’t do that in front of the slave, but you have to know, how it feels and how things work.
There are a lot of masters who have started their fetish career as sub/slave. That’s a big advantage because they know how it feels to be a slave and how most of the actions feel for a slave. But there are also masters like me who have always been top. These guys have really a need of an even bigger empathy than the other masters, because they have to substitute the missing own passive experiences by their empathy and of course also the self tests.
Also your slave needs time to learn new things. Your knowledge and your experiences are never the benchmark for what a slave can do. The slaves experiences, knowledge and the level of trust he has in you as master is the benchmark for your activities as master. Again: GO STEP BY STEP, there’s no hurry!
Of course if your slave has the feeling that you can do whatever you want, whenever you want and how much you want but at the same time, he feels safe and protected and has a feeling and the knowlege of being in good hands, than you’re a good Master.
Illustrations by Nicolas Brunet. Thank you Nicolas for your great art work.
Hi thanks for the good advice hope to hear more from you on how to train my boy and keep him happy and keep him for the long term Cheers Paul
Masters are duty bound to look out for their subs, this is great advise. The boy puts him self in your hands, your hands need to be prepared to hold him.
As Master I never do anything to my subs that I haven’t done to myself before that. I always need to know what and how my boy feels. Your article is really amazing. Congratulations for posting it!