A report written bi Migikun.
This story is very long, so grab something that makes you comfortable. Maybe a buttplug, I don’t know. Or a cuddly teddy bear. Anything. I mean ANYTHING. All right, here I go…
July 2015
My ex-boyfriend wanted to take a break. He thought that I was “not motivated enough” to pursue happiness as an adult. The thing was that I live in a family where sticking together is the norm. Filipinos rarely ever leave their parents to live a better life (in the Philippines at least). And even in the United States, there are still a lot of people in my age who would prefer to stay with their parents, which is great since they value family more than I do. I value family, but at the same time, I get tired of the custom of not being able to leave the nest but to make the nest larger. He was a heavily American-influenced Filipino. He wanted to move out with me. Although he loves his parents very much, he also was fervent about independence. I wanted to live my life with him but I just couldn’t. So he took a break with me. Because of my “immaturity.”
While we together, my first boyfriend and I, I would imagine the kinky things I want to do with him. Unfortunately, he’s not as kinky as I was. One time after San Francisco Pride on June 2015, I wore my leather attire and a dominant air. He would usually be the dominant one in the relationship, but he was heavily aroused at my roleplaying. I forced him to suck my dick, talked dirty to him, and lowered my voice to a deep, soothing sound. That was the only thing that we did that was kinky.
While we were on break, I met Jawsie at Hornet, a gay social app (he also has a Recon account somewhere, I think). We met up and discussed kink. It was my first time being exposed to a total stranger who is also a sexy daddy. He introduced me to the online BDSM test and obviously I’m a submissive rope bunny. For the first time, I was being tied up by him. Unfortunately, I don’t have the picture for it… All I could remember was that the rope was smooth and red. After that I would visit him often, really tempted to just sleep in his apartment. But you may already know why I couldn’t sleep over. You guessed it! Parents.
He then brought me to Mr-S-Leather for the first time. My first time being at Mr-S-Leather. Phenomenal. My arms were closed and my head was down. Imagine an anime girl with her head down while she shyly introduces herself to the class. I basically looked like that when I came in the store. Jawsie kept showing me these contraptions and I would blush every time I see them. Also get a boner. The workers said so many ribald jokes that I couldn’t take it!
I couldn’t remember it correctly, but I also bought my first pup hood there. Jawsie was worried because of the price, but I didn’t mind. I (regrettably) used my financial aid money to buy my first pup hood.
Jawsie and I then went to my first kink event: Up Your Alley 2015. It was the best time of my life. I even saw my former high school teacher there after we texted whether we were attending the event or not. I could safely say that we were both excited to see each other in a different setting rather than in the classroom. Also please note that when this happened, I graduated already.
Us three danced on the dancing area and had a great time. The two then started grinding on me. It felt awesomely weird because deep down, I fucking loved having two daddies just press their groins against me. My high school teacher grabbed my jaw and kissed me. That was one of the most amazing experiences I’ve had since graduating high school back at 2014.
After walking around the event, my teacher and I parted ways and Jawsie and I went to Mr-S-leather before going home.
After that, Oakland Pride 2015 happened. Before that, my ex contacted me and wanted to see me again, to make things short. We both agreed to see each other again at that event. I went to the event. I also participated in the parade as well.
But that didn’t distract my head enough because I get to see my ex-boyfriend again. But unfortunately, after many texts and missed calls, he told me that he was hanging out with another man. He told me that “it would be awkward if I were to see him,” as if we already broke up.
But by the looks of it, he broke up with me. By ditching me on the day when we’re supposed to see each other again after being separated for so long.
In complete denial, I commuted all the way to Daly City where he lived, just so I can get some sort of reason why would he do such thing. When I went to his house in tears, not caring about how I looked, and his parents told me that he wasn’t there. I left his house and waited for him to “come home.” But it turned out that he was home. Pretending to be not there to avoid me. I felt that he was there. So I came back and then he answered. I honestly couldn’t remember what he said that time because of the extreme pain I felt that time. All I could remember was that “we were going to fast… we’re not getting married… “
I left the house. I ran to the train station. Crying.
A month later, I went to Folsom Street Fair 2015 with the same guys. Jawsie and my former high school teacher and I had a great time. Made out a couple of times, got spanked a lot, it was fun.
Later, my ex contacted me and said that he made a mistake. He apologized profusely. So I gave him another chance, even after he did something unforgivable to me. We tried making it work, but I ended up breaking up with him that time. My love for him faded that time. He was too late. I moved on already. He was furious, but I was calm and composed (fun fact, it was during my Japanese class). That was the end of us. Officially.
After that shit storm, I focused on school and kink to further know about myself and my psychology. I participated in classes and workshops in the San Francisco Young Leathermen’s Discussion Group next to Mr-S-Leather. I met a guy there who introduced me to Castro Kink’s tumblr. He wasn’t very fond of him, unfortunately. He claimed that Castro Kink did horrible things to his subs. Ironically, I wanted to know more about kink and participate in it because I wanted to get away from all the drama. I just wanted clear and concise communication between people’s emotions and (hopefully) torture and fuck.
I was very curious about Castro Kink though. I thought I was out of my mind when I even thought about visiting Him for a session… also to make things scarier, I have no actual kink experience whatsoever other than being a light rope bunny. I don’t remember much, but I remember Him sending His address to me via text and got lost in the Castro for it. I was almost sweating, hoping He wouldn’t mind. “He wouldn’t mind the sweat since he’s a kinkster, right? I’m so dead.” I thought.
March 2016
We first talked about safety and limits. He asked a lot of questions regarding what my interests are in kink. Then we started slowly but quickly He demanded me to take my clothes off. I became hesitant on purpose and I got a feeling that He liked my defiant response. So I kept it up. Then I loved it. Despite that, I was so scared that I just followed every order that He did just to get it over with. This was also the first time I experienced the hogtie and boxtie. They were liberating, while ironically being bound and slightly immobile. It was incredible. Castro Kink even added some spankings.
I loved every second of it. I didn’t even care if I was going to die. It just felt glorious. Painful, yet soothing.
Although, those traits reflect on my life a lot. I almost always defy anything that can possibly be defied… I almost never show my true feelings to anyone, even to colleagues and people whom I know; creating a happy façade for people to be happy with. And that made me feel loved, being “happy” and energetic for people. Now, I still have those traits. But being more than friends with Castro Kink, I developed more emotions to not only feel during our sessions with Him and His subs, but also in real life. He may not know this, but He may also have guessed this already, but His sessions with me helped me become more vocal about my personality. I openly discuss anything that could be taboo to other people (which is fine, as long as they tell me otherwise). I even worked harder in my current job at Daiso Alameda. Being submissive (by nature, obviously) helped me become a better human being, even though people are perfectly imperfect. And Castro Kink changed my life forever.
While my emotions and communication skills were still developing, I faced more nasty psychological monsters within me: envy and jealousy.
I experienced so much envy when another boy came to Castro Kink’s lovely abode. I got really jealous of him because he seemed to be grabbing attention from all of us. I also got really envious of him because he’s really sexy and handsome. His beauty triggered my self-esteem problems ever since last year when my ex-boyfriend ditched me. It hit me so much that I then became more aloof and distant to everyone. Until the very man who made me feel envy and jealous listened to me.
He said so much love and appreciation to me that I just can’t hate him for what he is. He is also smart and mature. He’s such a gentle human being. He told me that it’s okay to have insecurities andd not to beat myself up. We even complimented each other but… it didn’t do much but connect us together more.
July 2016.
Unfortunately when this year’s Dore Alley happened, I felt the same emotions after the horrible timing made me feel neglected and ignored. I made a French exit since everyone was doing a scene in public. I cried on the way home thinking “I’m not even tough enough to ask people for what I want” or “I’m not good enough for them. I’m not good-looking enough for them,” only because Castro Kink was playing with His other subs more than me. All I got from Him that day was a spanking right after He just roughly and wholeheartedly spanked another sub. It was painful and full of energy, but it felt transient. Empty. I was unsatisfied because firstly, it was literally short (it lasted around 68 seconds), and secondly, he just finished mutilating someone’s ass. He was tired and sweaty. Even I asked for more, He’d be tired and I’d feel greedy. It was a situation where I couldn’t win anything. I thought, “if I asked him if I could get more time from him, he’d be mad for being tired. Even if he does something to me, he’d be tired and not be fully into it. If I didn’t ask him, I’d be left out alone.” The latter thought became true. He played with His subs again, who just had their turn with Him.
So I left.
However, I had that tiny hope and courage to talk to friends about it. That moment made me confirm that the majority of the kink community is a wonderful subculture. Castro Kink finally realized that my feelings were at a low and He, His boys, and pups were there for me. And Castro Kink even told me that his boy was also aloof because of me. He wanted me to spend more time with Him. I almost broke in tears when He said that to me one evening. I immediately talked to him about it and I hugged him. Tightly. I couldn’t even express my gratitude for them verbally. I guess I’m still working on that. I love them so much. So much that it’s not even romantic. Just sheer love.
At that time, I’ve been prepared to (somehow, coerced or not) serve Castro Kink and be there for his boys and pups. I want to be that one stray pup who is there when I’m needed and when I want to feel needed.
August 2016
Despite feeling low almost all the time whenever He plays with someone else, I’m still hopeful and thankful that I’ve met him. It is definitely true that it would take me a long time to be fully aware of my envy, jealousy, and self-esteem issues, but I’m still working on it just by talking to everyone about it. My fellow pups and subs are always there for me. In return, I’m there for them as well because my goal since I graduated high school is to make people happy when they see or get to know me. I may be imperfect, but, we’re humans.
One evening, I was about to leave Castro Kink’s home. Whisper, Him, and I hugged each other. I had a sudden and arbitrary thought: I unbuttoned my blue leather choker. I gave them hints. They didn’t get it. I told them that I want to submit to Castro Kink and Alpha Whisper.
At a warm evening, I was collared by Castro Kink on August 15, 2016. It was one of the most awesome things that I’ve experienced in my life, not just in kink life. Feelings overflowed, but not to the point where I cried. Maybe someday I’ll cry.
Since then, I’m still growing up to be there for everyone, no matter how envious, mad, jealous, or even stupid I get, deep down, I still strive to be a better person, pup, sub, boy, slave, slut to Castro Kink and His subs.
And that is how I met Castro Kink and His lovely family.
I could never be happier at this moment.
Migikun, proudly owned by Castro Kink.
Migikun
1996
California (U.S.)
