Last Tuesday, Teddy has given us an insight into his fetish life. Today we talk about his monogamous kink lifestyle.
In Covid times also, kink interviews start a little different. When do you have had good kink sex for the last time, and why was that for you a rememberable session?
Well with my partner we always have fun “online” as I’m sure many people have been doing over recent times and that’s always really good fun, actually. The very last time I had a kink session was when my partner was over here during the lockdown in November, he visited while it was safe and ended up staying over the period of the whole lockdown, so I’m sure you can imagine that was certainly a perk in many ways.
I always find kink amazing, but doing it with someone close to you intensifies the experience a lot and drives both submissive and dominant tendencies through the very notion that you want to please the person youre with. This is what made it more special than usual but we had a lot of fun over that time and some kinky experiences were had.
I know your boyfriend lives in Germany. That’s not really around the next corner. Even in normal times, that is not making it easier to meet each other. But haven’t you had sex with somebody else during the last 1.5 months?
Absolutely not no, and that’s not through a ball and chain method of “you’re not allowed” it’s simply through the notion that neither of us want too. We’re very committed, we met back in July and neither of us have strayed aside since then and we both want to keep it that way purely through desire and care for each other. I express my apologies for sounding so wet and cheesy but it’s genuinely true 😂
I think for the majority of kinksters promiscuity is part of their lifestyle. What do you think about?
I understand for a lot of kinksters this absolutely is a large part of their personas, or more specifically their enjoyment. There are numerous kinks which rely on the very fact of not being exclusive with someone which many people thoroughly enjoy, and I don’t question that. Most importantly honesty is key, being in open relationships etc is a beautiful thing and I admire that incredibly, as long as everyone is consenting then It can most definitely add to a kink lifestyle and open many doors, but I would argue that it’s not essential. For me, I get my main source of pleasure from my partner, and this I wouldn’t change, and that’s what satisfies me. “When you tie this to the fact that kink doesn’t necessarily have to be directly sexual”, I absolutely would say that a kinkster can be more than fulfilled with one partner. Kink is a community, and not only a sexual one, that’s what is key here, it can be perceived and adapted in a multitude of ways, and maybe I fit into it in a different way to many other kinksters but its what I enjoy.
That sounds like you would be up to meet other people for kink play without anal and oral activities. Is that correct?
No, not really to be honest. Although yes, you’re right, other kinks wouldn’t be quantified as specifically sexual, I also wouldn’t be open to do these with others. Being in this community comes with learning from others, developing qualities, gaining friends and helping build ourselves, that’s what else I’m here for, not to meet others for experiences. I enjoy learning things from those with more experience, exploring the world, developing my own fetish personality and talking to like-minded folk
I have often problems to say when in kink play, sexual activities start. Is for example, licking feet something sexual or not? Where do you see the boundaries of sexual and non-sexual kink activities?
That’s actually a really interesting question and I’m not sure there is a specifically defined line, whether that’s because people would quantify that differently or whether it’s due to ‘sexual’ being quite a fluid word. I would say the definition of the word comes second in importance to what two people would deem comfortable for a scenario. However looking further into it, what’s deemed sexual could be linked to the intentions of a kinkster, if someone licks your feet bc they enjoy it, and it leads nowhere is it sexual, compare that to someone who does it for the purpose of turning one on and developing a scene further is that more sexual?
A lot of sensations and boundaries depend on the situation and the experience or the correlations the involved do at this moment. But tell me why is it important to you and your boyfriend that sexual activities are reserved for you two?
I think it mainly boils down to the fact that’s what we both want. Us being exclusive was never a debated topic, it was something which was always the case and it’s never changed, it’s what makes us both happy and as I’ve said, he’s where my joy comes from and I to him, that’s where we’re happy and it’s what works for us. This could be totally different for other couples and that’s also fine, whatever works and brings happiness is best
But yes I totally agree on what you say regarding the situational dependency, and when it comes to that it’s about having trust in each other, understanding our boundaries and respecting the other. When you don’t want to break the others trust, that becomes a much simpler task.
Do you think that fidelity is defined by sexual activities?
Absolutely not, no, there’s a multitude of ways one can be unfaithful and sexual activities are not the only way to break that. Equally there are scenarios where in other relationships in which sexual activities with others don’t cross a line. It’s something which is most likely dependant specifically on a relationship, and I would say that more so applies within the kink community.
Probably we should talk now a little about your kinks. I know that you’re a switch, but I think that your submissive side is more dominant. Is it OK if we talk a little about your sub qualities?
Absolutely yeah! And yes I’d totally agree I do absolutely switch but the submissive side does indeed prevail. But only by a touch.
What does it mean to be a sub? I think that your Dom side probably helps to tell us, what the important qualities of a sub are.
I hate to sound like a broken record, but I would guess that could also depend on a scenario of specific relationship between a Dom and a sub. For me, I would simply state it’s about pleasuring the superior, being submissive can bleed into normal life too, which is why I believe “serving a superior” is a good guess, it means going out of your way to give pleasure to another, and it’s about putting a dominant first, and quite simply, doing as you’re told.
I think that is really one of the core characteristics. Some subs have also the desire to be used, that the dominant takes what he wants and that the boy becomes kind of object. Do you understand such desires and do you share these needs?
Yes. Very simply put 😂 objectification in everyday life isn’t a healthy thing, but in the kink world it’s most subs desires. I think being treated how the dominant wants is very crucial, this where servitude is tested, it means giving them what they want regardless of your own wants, and that is certainly an idea I chase to some extent
Some of the subs like to know that they are important for their Masters, but at the same time they want to feel that they are something to use. This includes that their Masters can share them with friends. What do you feel if you hear about such desires and needs?
It is kind of funny the juxtaposition between wanting to be wanted, but simultaneously wanting to be treated without care, and it’s something I can relate to. As I say I think that depends on the specific dynamic between that Dom and sub and what their limits and needs are. For me I don’t think that’s a scenario that’s applicable to myself, but it’s something that I can see many people would enjoy and I can see why it’s very hot too
Is it not applicable for yourself in the situation you are, or in general not?
In the situation I’m in now, I don’t think that’s a situation that’ll arise. I’m not against the idea in general and I think it can be an incredibly hot scenario for a lot of people, but for me right now it’s not where we’re headed.
A lot of people, not only kinksters, see after a while a chance to enrich the relationship and to stabilize it by making it an open relationship. How do you think about?
Oh I agree, it certainly can be a thoroughly enriching and rewarding experience for a lot of people and I can understand the psychology behind it too. As I say, the the moment it’s not a scenario I’m traversing and I don’t see it happening with my partner as we’re both really content with how things are at the moment. But whatever makes people happy is what’s important, as long as no in is being hurt (non consensually) then absolutely fill your boots in your deepest and darkest desires.
I’m happy that you and your partner are enjoying this closed relationship. And I think it is important to show that also such relationships are part of the kink world. But can you probably explain to us why heterosexuals think that gay are always promiscuous and even more all this pervert kinksters?
Thank you! That’s really kind of you to say and I appreciate that. I’m not sure I have the answer to that, that seems to be quite a deep-rooted question probably stemming from decades of misconceptions, bad presentation and ingrained systemic homophobia, of which I am not the expert. As you said yourself, promiscuity is something that many kinksters express with pride, and that’s fantastic. What many people haven’t realised is that the only reason they see something wrong with promiscuity, is because society has taught them its wrong, as opposed to them developing their own though out opinions. At the end of the day, if someone is happy with a partner, what’s wrong with it. Most people outside of the fetish world haven’t quite clocked onto this notion, and keep up these ingrained ideas of social deviance being negative and derogatory to the normal upkeep of society. The very bedrock of social deviance relies on this notion, and for it to function these misconstrued stereotypes have to be perpetuated to keep what many see as a ‘normal’ society.
Now I’m curious to know your opinion about the advantages of a closed but also of an open relationship.
Well they both have different perks, and I can’t speak for the amazing wonders of an open relationship as I’m yet to have been in one. However, the beautiful thing about open relationships are that many people can have sexual endeavours with others, but still go home to the one they love, knowing their feelings haven’t changed and I think that’s incredibly sweet and romantic. As you previously said it can also keep a relationship interesting, and enrich a side of a couple that they hadn’t enriched before, it can add excitement, and maybe build trust too. But the perks of being in a closed relationship also go without saying to some extent. Knowing that person is yours, and only yours is amazing in a kinky and romantic sense, knowing they’re devoted to you is incredible, and if you find that person who is the only one you need, that’s something truly phenomenal. A closed relationship can offer the same excitement and enriching experiences as an open one, you just do the same things with one person as opposed to multiple.
Teddy Dawson
1998
United Kingdom
