Prostitution, even if it is illegal in several countries, as the world’s oldest profession, it will never disappear. First, it satisfies a fundamental need of all human beings and second, it will always have an attraction for young boys who just see the “fast and easy” money in it. To prohibit it is the worst you can do. You just push people, who at the end would need acceptance and protection, into the demimonde, where hustlers can become victims of exploitation and abuse.
But the next mistake we can do is to see all sex workers as victims. Of course, there are people who get forced by circumstances or by criminals into prostitution, but there are also many guys who love the job they have. Certainly like in every job also this profession has its negative sides, and you can make some bad experiences.
Today I’ve Sub J. with me. He is a young academic, working in research and higher education. First he started the escort job out of curiosity, but he has also had times in which the money coming out of prostitution was needed. He decided from the beginning on to specialize himself as bdsm sub escort.
Hi J. Do you remember how did it come to work for the first time as hustler? What kind of feelings have you had before, and how was the experience?
The word ‘hustler’ sounds hot and sexy, but it also means “to earn one’s living by illicit or unethical means”. I consider prostitution to be a very ethical occupation. So I will use the expressions “sex work” and “sex worker” instead.
I came to sex work 5 years ago, after a long incubation time: Already for a few years I had noticed how some people were playing with the symbolic power of money in BDSM play: For example Doms demanding tributes from their subs, or subs being turned into merchandise “sold” at “slave auctions”. I found all of that very hot. It is a part of the many appeals of BDSM, that BDSM is the way to go beyond the surface of conventional norms of society, diving into its taboos.
Next to this sulphurous appeal of playing with money, of giving up some freedom-of-choice in exchange for some amounts of money, there was also something else a philosopher once told me. That philosopher had worked himself as an escort for some time, and he was arguing that sex work is like a social service. He even claimed every young man should do it for some time, as a kind of civil service, much better than military service. That idea stuck with me. I eventually decided I want to try sex work too!
I don’t remember anymore what kind of guy was my very first paying client. What I remember is the diversity from the start: Every client was different. Each of them needed a different service, something tailored to him. Also, being a sex worker meant focusing fully on the client’s desires, feelings and fixations (within the limits of my own taboos), and quickly understanding his needs without any time to get to know him. It’s a lot more than just having a bit of sex and SM-play.
Doing SM right away with a complete stranger is already not easy, but even less so when you are the sub as an escort: His pleasure is really what matters, from the start, not just as the Dom in the usual SM-game but also at a higher level as the client, it’s what he really expects for his good money. Money is part of the game, but it is also dead-serious at the same time. It can get very exhausting sometimes to do sex work, if you take the challenge seriously – though I later noticed many escorts don’t care and do a sloppy job. But my very first clients were not too complicated, so it was still relatively easy to make them horny, make them cum, make them happy.
Kink Escorting allowed me to gain extra sexual experiences, and gave me opportunities to break some of my own preconceptions and taboos, in a number of ways.
To make a client cum is the goal of most jobs in male to male prostitution. But as BDSM is also a brain game, it doesn’t really get the importance as it has in a short suck & fuck action in a gay sauna or hotel room. What have you felt are in general the desires and needs of Dom clients, and how did you recognize them?
Yes exactly, the Dom cumming does still matter, but many other things also matter, especially when it is a BDSM date. Let me focus in my answer here on the sadistic clients, when I subbed as escort, as I am more a sub and in most of my escorting dates I was booked as sub rather than as Dom. What my SM-Dom clients wanted to get from me as a paid sub is a good-looking sub who will not waste their time, and perform as agreed reliably, without backing out or whining as much as some unpaid would-be subs. These Doms are often tired of being frustrated because they get either (1) good subs but who are older than or not as good-looking as the Dom wishes, or (2) young and good-looking subs who have plenty of fantasy but also zillions of own demands and can take only very little in the actual session.
The Dom here wants to be sure to feel that he is not a service-provider for the sub (as often ends up happening with ‘regular’ dates), but the other way around. A sexw orker, a paid sub, is then ideal because then that sub is the one who is meant to provide a service as agreed, and to the Dom’s satisfaction, in order to earn his payment. The relationship is crystal clear. The Dom doesn’t need to care at all about whether the sub is enjoying the sessions or getting what he expected, he only needs to care that he doesn’t strain or damage the sub too much. This is a big relief for the Dom, who can feel safe to be more truly selfish and focus more on his own fun.
Many of the SM Doms who would never hire a prostitute for SM games, miss to understand the true power-exchange such a situation brings, that improves the Dom’s overall experience. Sure, you are spending money to use that sub. But far from devalorizing your own sex-appeal, turning someone into not just a sub but your actual employee-subordinate, while knowing he’s anyway a “whore”, can further amplify your feeling of dominance, within the set frame of the BDSM session. This works only as long as both the client and the sex worker truly share this understanding. An escort who doesn’t get it will ruin it, as I’ve witnessed looking at the behaviour of some other escorts. Most escorts are not really masochists/submissive and/or they refuse to take all this too seriously. So there are only very few escorts who really do sub for hard BDSM dates.
For the BDSM sessions, one needs almost as much preliminary communication as there would be if it were a ‘regular’ (non-sexwork) SM date. Plenty of time of online chatting or emailing often happens, to precisely know where the sadistic desires and needs of the client are, and also tell him what I can and can’t do give my limits and abilities, etc. Those hours are, by the way, unpaid time, and sometimes the actual paid date never happens.
So on my side I adapted to the demands of these clients, within my abilities and limits. I had to be ready for BDSM sessions that are, in comparison to what I usually like, often more brutal, with less/no warm-up time, more painful and challenging, often lasting longer before I get a break/pause. So I do my best to keep taking it harder and for longer than I normally would. I had to be very masochistic for such situations, because I respected the fact that the Dom who pays money has higher expectations and more demands. But of course, I had set some rules in advance with the Doms and there were prefixed limits. It still was safe, sane and consensual SM, just at a harder level than I would agree with in ‘regular’ SM dates.
One thing my most sadistic clients have in common: They all love the famous Czech “discipline4boys” videos series, which showed extremely hard beatings and tortures, sometimes excessively hard (the guy who did these videos got into trouble). I can’t offer them the exact same level as in these videos, but their desires are definitely inspired by some of these videos. I also myself have made some BDSM videos that inspired my clients sadistic ideas.
Most of the time, the client has his own creative ideas, or his own favorite routines/rituals, and uses me to implement them. Sometimes I also bring in my own perverse suggestions and the Dom takes up some of them in play (as also happens in my ‘regular’ SM dates). Sometimes it was very hot and exciting challenges that the client-Dom imposed on me. Let me illustrate with one example:
One client once booked me over two nights in a row, and the first night he also booked 3 other escorts. I was caned, beaten and whipped hard by him, then later that night the 3 visiting escorts also whipped and caned me, and then ‘raped’ (i.e. brutally fucked) me under the client’s direct orders, for the 1-2 hours they were booked: Like a film director, the client would say exactly what each of us does. One of the other escorts he booked that night had a 24 cm huge dick, and that one fuck was a real challenge for me since I never play with very large dildos (also no ff) and, yes, I still have a very tight ass. Anyhow, that 24 cm fuck was also very brutal, and I really screamed very loud in asspain. The client loved it very much, and well, I must confess I loved it too.
Sometimes, a client had needs and desires that really brought me just over my limits. Once it overstepped them too much, and I was foolish enough (too much inside my role) to not signal an emergency-stop/safe-sign in due time. With that client, after that incident, we agreed to take it a bit slower so that I would be able to play with him again. The case of that one client is very interesting, because I meanwhile met him multiple times, and he pushed my limits more than a non-client Dom would: He always booked me for multiple days, and he would cum only once or twice, somewhere in the middle or end of the date, to stay very horny the rest of the time while torturing me. He really needs a good-looking slave he can book at his pleasure and torture hard over several days. Thanks to experimenting with him, I found out I cannot manage more than about 3 days in a row of hits to my body (whipping, caning, punching), because then I really can’t stand anymore the pain of hits on already bruised spots. But then other things are still possible, like hard electro on my balls (I mean also the really hard stuff including cattle prods and field telephone) and hot wax. It also helped him find out he also had enough after max. 4 or 5 days of torture-games.
More rarely, a client wanted only a quick session combining brutality & sex: He comes in, finds me naked, quickly cuffs my hands in my back, then beats me up quite hard (multiple punches in my body and balls) until I go down to the floor, then ‘rapes’ me on the floor (quick brutal fuck), cums and leaves. I only had that scenario twice, and we had agreed beforehand he’d pay attention not to use excessive force causing real severe damage. Again, good communication beforehand is essential, like in any other BDSM date, to facilitate both his satisfaction and my safety.
I see bondage is also involved in your sessions. How can you be sure that you are safe with a client you don’t know, or at least that you feel safe? Do you have any safety measures so that you can be sure, that it doesn’t become a real abuse?
It’s the same as for any BDSM session: When dating a new Dom, I have to do some guesswork before the session, to evaluate whether the Dom will be reasonable. Of course, even then there can be misunderstandings, like the case I just mentioned, where I was too much into my role to invoke an emergency safeword. Or rather, at one point I didn’t take the Dom’s clues, and he didn’t take mine, so it took a while before he stopped, once he noticed I was crying too much. That kind of thing is not really abuse but rather miscommunication when you don’t know each other well enough yet, and of course it happens more when the sub is tightly tied and gagged than when he can say the safeword or make a specific hand-sign… That one incident was as much my mistake as his.
I did only once experience a session that I felt was abusive or at least dishonest, but that one was not as escort, but some years before I started escorting. I never experienced real abuse while escorting, i.e. something done to me that had not been discussed beforehand. Maybe I was just lucky, or maybe I was good enough at selecting my clients.
I don’t think you can have any guarantees against the risk of real abuse.
I don’t think you can have any guarantees against the risk of real abuse. But in my experience (not only as escort but more generally as a promiscuous slut who has had probably hundreds of sex-partners), the immense majority of people who practice BDSM have a much more refined consent-culture than other people.
The abusive rape-culture that promotes real abuse is found mostly among the mainstream heterosexual and heteronormative men, especially the conservative men who shun upon BDSM, prostitution and sex-positive lifestyles. Looking into gays and other queers, I have no solid evidence, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the proportion of abuse and rape-culture would be relatively higher among certain gay guys: those who believe in “homonormative” conservative values (and thus do not self-reflect on their own sexual impulses and instead live in an unhealthy state of denial), and especially those who get too attracted to the fascist sex-appeal of extreme-right-wing thinking. I had once noticed this directly, with only one of the skinhead Doms I dated (not as escort), who on our first (and last!) date, spontaneously placed a bag over my head and shortly replaced my electrobox with his field telephone (hidden in a bag), to electrocute my balls, as a “surprise”. Luckily he did it only shortly and very little, so it did not hurt much more. He happened to also have extreme-right-wing opinions as I found out only later, and in hindsight I saw the connection between his lack of attention to consent, and his ideology.
But I am drifting away from my sex work experience here, sorry! In sum: When a client appears to be an experienced and thoughtful BDSM practitioner, I tend to think the risk of real abuse is the lowest it can get.
I know you’re a total pain pig, and I’m sure our readers noticed it too after having read your answers. What kind of other services do you offer as escort sub?
First, let me say I have mostly stopped my escort services since 2020. I still do it with only a couple of Dom-clients I meanwhile know well, occasionally, and stopped dating the other ones.
Hehe, well in all honesty, I am a fine “pain pig” only for specific things, and much less for other things. But apart from that, as an escort I have also often done various softer things. Of course, this includes various sexual services like licking a Dom’s balls and licking and sucking his dick in the ways he likes it. Some Doms like to have me sequestrated and sensory deprived in between torture sessions, or kept me in various forms of bondage for a bit, but I never had a client who was only into bondage: There are enough “gratis” subs for mere bondage, one does not need an escort for that. Many Doms also enjoy simply being massaged by me for a while. Sometimes a Dom who has just tortured me for a couple hours, then makes me massage him until he falls asleep, deeply relaxed, and then I wait for him to wake up from his nap and tell me what he wants next.
With Doms whom I know enough to trust, I also even agree to take chems myself (but meanwhile only GHB/GBL, and only doing the dosage myself, or some alcohol; other chems did not work for me), so that the Dom can use me in a drugged state. I know that many BDSM-folks disapprove of any drugs, because the sub cannot give fully reliable feedback, but my experience is that some G really helps me for certain hard sessions (both hard fucking and ‘pain’ play). And some clients really do enjoy using me even more when I have taken G: Then I am more disinhibited, dumber, sex-obsessed and my reactions, whether when fucked or when moaning/screaming in pain, are definitely the hottest when I have taken some G…
What I also do in the long-term, not only to please the Doms (especially the ones who are clients) but also to keep myself motivated before and during the dates, is to follow strict chastity rules myself: I generally never jerk myself anymore – started this rule in parallel to starting sexwork. I only cum alone either from so-called wet dreams in my sleep, or rarely when I am too horny alone and ejaculate while just lying on my belly (but I really try to minimize those bad-behavior incidents to as few times per year as possible).
This chastity keeps me frustrated and more sex-obsessed, so I can more easily be motivated to have dates even with guys I would otherwise not find especially attractive
This chastity keeps me frustrated and more sex-obsessed, so I can more easily be motivated to have dates even with guys I would otherwise not find especially attractive (e.g. older clients). This also means that I can honestly offer my chastity to a Dom: I have kept chast for often several weeks before the date, and thus am extremely horny and frustrated during the date (unless another Dom milked me shortly before). Most Doms kept me chast and had no interest in milking me, so that allowed me to be chast for many weeks also for the next Dom. Some like to tease and deny me, enjoying how insanely frustrated I can get from it, and they enjoy that as an escort they can keep me frustrated and don’t need to ever milk me. A few Doms sometimes milked me several times, but I am not really good at multiple orgasms, I don’t manage it within a short time period, so in that area I’m not the best-performing sub. And of course, some Doms love to punish me after I cum, whether accidentally or from milking (a.k.a. postcum torture – back to the “pain pig” ;-D ).
I also went to BDSM social events with clients I know well, doing as if I were his partner. I then perform as the Dom requests. I kneel at his feet in SM bars and act submissively if that’s what he likes. I can also play with other subs, or even switch to ‘handle’ another sub or to dominate the client himself if he decides to spontaneously switch roles (I then just need to know his preferences and limits beforehand).
But there are also many things that I never do, for which I am not the right sub, like nearly all ‘dirty’ play, or any FF for instance. I also find it very difficult to actively assfuck another guy. I did manage it once as an escort to please one bottom client, but then avoided doing it again because it was really hard work for me to manage to keep a hard-on while assfucking actively. I can also do more mutual things, like some erotic wrestling against a client. He can decide whether he wants it fair or whether he should have unfair advantages, i.e. the rules are for him to decide of course.
Why did you reduce your escort activities and if you look back, do you have ever regret having done this kind of job?
“Non, je ne regrette rien.” 😄 What I do regret is that I only started doing this job relatively late – it could have been interesting to start it a few years earlier, at a younger age. But I was too busy with other things, and given the state of social conventions and prejudices against sex work, it also required more maturity for me to dare get into it (unlike those escorts who started the job for more pressing economic reasons). This experience I had doing some sex work was very enriching and liberating for me.
The reasons I drastically reduced my activity in this kind of work, are multiple:
First, a couple of years ago Germany changed its laws on prostitution and intensified the State’s control over prostitutes. This is supposed to help protect sex workers against trafficking, which is a noble and necessary goal, and to enforce public health, which is well-intentioned… But it is also extremely paternalistic and treating sex workers like children. And I don’t like being tracked down: Being by origins (Jewish) and by my sexual orientation (homosexual) sensible to the historical State surveillance and oppression against minorities, especially in Germany, I am not feeling comfortable with this whole new legal situation. I prefer to phase out my participation in such a system. This being said, I do not envy the poor escorts in the barbarous legal systems of prohibitionist police-States like France…
Second, though for some time I was fascinated with fantasies of becoming a full-time sex worker in the area of BDSM, I soon realized that it was not realistic for me, because I am getting older, and more especially because BDSM and sexuality are only one of my many passions in life. I also need intellectual stimulation, so I could not completely leave out my academic work. And so the academic work, as well as my personal life and various non-commercial activities, are competing for my limited time.
Third, after a few years of escorting, I am making gradually fewer discoveries, and currently wondering about what could be the next shore for me to sail to. I like to be an explorer, and known landscapes eventually bore me. My only fixed anchor is my core life-partner, but apart from that I prefer to avoid too many routines and path dependencies.
Last but not least, the CoVid global pandemic started a few months after I had already taken the decision to scale down my sex work activities. The lockdown has accelerated the process. But I do really enjoy the complicity we have built with my two last remaining clients (both sadistic Doms), and the way we explore various things together, and also even some of the routines we do have. So, I am not intending to stop dating these two guys. Besides, I might still eventually make one or two one-off exceptions to my ‘no-new-clients policy’, in case some really exciting new opportunity does show up in the near future – as long as my academic work schedule is still flexible (or in other words, while I am still paid shit in precarious part-time university jobs, but also thereby have some more free time).
You’ve mentioned that sex work was enriching and liberating for you. Last but not least you really have to tell us why.
The reason is that it both allowed me to make these extra sexual experiences, and gave me opportunities to break some of my own preconceptions and taboos, in a number of ways. For example, before I started doing sex work, I was only keen on dating guys my age or younger. After some years of sex work I realized that sex with guys in a wider age-range can be fun too. I won’t go as far as to say I love having sex with very old guys, that wouldn’t be true, but with guys up to about 15 years above my own (when they are hot in some own ways) yes.
It also gave me opportunities to do things I wouldn’t have done alone, for example because I couldn’t afford them. The sex work also gave me challenges as BDSM sub, which I am proud of, such as pushing me to try some forms of harder pain play I avoided until then (and the money incentive helped me become braver). And the possibility to really experience and play with these feelings of being a purchasable pleasure-object, a whore, really still is something that makes me feel very hot and excited as a sub and as a bottom-slut. Of course, I need here to remind your readers that in real terms, the client pays for a service. He does not really buy or rent the body of the sexworker, even in BDSM. But while knowing that fact, it’s still hot to play with the degrading fiction of selling/buying a whore’s body-itself… (Like everything in BDSM, you have to get that it’s multilayered, else you misunderstand it and that’s when the situation can become unethical, abusive, etc.) If my time allowed and society would be different, I would still be doing sex work more often than I am right now.