Hello Coyote, thx for finding some time for me today. Could you please tell the readers a little about yourself? What do you all like and are you into
I’m a sub guy originally from Scotland, now living in London. I’m married to a wonderful (vanilla) guy who I’ve been with for 12 years, and also have an owner/Sir/Daddy who lives in London too. We’ve been together for just over a year, I’ve been locked in chastity for most of that time, and I received my collar in October 2021.
I definitely identify more as a service sub or slave, as most of my pleasure comes from pleasing others.
Apart from that, my other kinks are bondage (particularly shibari) pain, rubber, leather, watersports, chastity… the list goes on.
That’s quite the duration, it’s wonderful to hear such. And even more that you’ve the freedom to explore your kinky side still. Not a given for married relationships. How did you discover your submissive tendencies? And what was it like for you when you got locked first?
I knew I was kinky from a very young age, before even understanding what sex was, or that I was gay. I can remember self-tying with handkerchiefs and belts from around the age of 7 or 8, and not understanding why, but know it felt good.
Looking back at some childhood books and films I used to love, I can now recognize some of the triggers and understand why I enjoyed them so much. I find it affirming and reassuring that is an inherent part of my character, and by celebrating it now I’m being true to who I really am.
It was a London dom who first introduced me to chastity around 15 years ago, and I haven’t looked back since. That was a fairly cheap soft silicone cage, but even then I realized it wasn’t so much about the actual device than the mentality of someone else being in control. I’ve experimented over the years with different cages and locking for different people (and myself) for different periods of time.
Before meeting Sir my longest had been 2 weeks. He very quickly told me to lock up, and it’s been that way ever since, over a year ago now. Being locked for him is such a pleasure, and I’m grateful that he found the switch in my brain that makes it very easy. Most of the time I don’t find it at all frustrating, and it’s become part of my reality.
Finding play partners that really get you makes such a huge difference in how you can go about stuff doesn’t it? How was it when you got collared by your Sir? And do you wear it permanently? Or do you have any rules regarding that?
The process of collaring, and its significance, was something we’d discussed for some time. We’re not very high protocol, partly because we both have muggle lives and vanilla husbands, so understand the need for a difference between the fantasy and the reality (although that line between the two is blurring and moving more than I could have imagined initially).
I’m allowed to meet others, and am instructed to wear the collar when it feels right for me (which of course is always with Sir). He looked deep into my eyes as he placed it around my neck for the first time in a gay bar in Soho and clicked the padlock shut as people around us watched, I gazed back and saw no-one but him. I will remember that moment, and that feeling forever.
How do you go about things when playing? Are you more the type that likes to have stuff done and happen to you, are you more actively seeking things out? And what do you generally see as important?
As I get older and more experienced in kink I find myself curating my experiences more carefully. I actively choose to play around less with random people, and instead have fewer but higher quality sessions with a small group of individuals I can build relationships with.
Key to this is always honesty and communication, and it’s essential I receive that in return from the people I meet. Life really is too short to spend it with people who don’t make you happy. Apart from that, my ideas on what makes the perfect partner or what a session should look like aren’t too fixed, and consequently I’ve ended up developing relationships with different people which focus on different aspects of kink.
As a slave and service-orientated sub, though, my focus is very much on gaining my pleasure through serving and pleasing others. Generally speaking the thought of being passively tied up and edged for hours is a turn-off. Put me to work!
I very much agree. I’m in a similar phase, and having found people who can trigger my mindsets in different ways also makes experiences much more varied and explorative.
So what would you see as an ideal slave day for you then? 😉 Do you have any fantasies that pop to your mind now and then?
Of course there are always things you’d like to try; toys, scenarios, scenes. But honestly most of the time I feel like I’m living my fantasy, and the fantasy is a reality. When I’m in the moment of serving someone I adore, it feels so deeply right, that I couldn’t possibly be any happier if I tried.