KINKFINITY

During the lockdown, online shopping has become very popular. But often you’ve to send things back and then it is good to know how to cord the slaves you’ve to return to sender. Enough joking, today I’m talking with a great bondage Master and play switch from Finland about his passion for ropes and kink in general.

I really enjoy bondage from many perspectives from short intense session to day long plays. As a sub the feeling of loosing control is extremely liberating. As a rigger I love the aesthetics of the ropes on body and the sensual dynamics with my subs. Bondage also gives great opportunities to explore some deep emotions.

There is of course the sexual, horny side of the bondage also and I like super-much those fantasies where the sub is stepping innocently into a trap and suddenly finds himself as a tied up object in some kind fierce prison or institution. On the other hand for a play I often say that the area where fantasy and reality support each others is pretty narrow.

The interest of being tied up has followed me since that, and we also did a lot of “tie and escape” games with my friends in childhood

Before we talk more about bondage, we’ve to talk about your first steps into the world of kink.

My earliest memory of getting tied up is from my very early childhood at the beginning of the 80’s, when I was tied up in cowboys and Indians play with a belt. The interest of being tied up has followed me since that and we also did a lot of “tie and escape” games with my friends in childhood, since at some age it started to be “awkward” to ask friends to tie up you. There were really not too many role-models or resources to reflect this side of the identity in my youth. For long time I felt that I may be the only freak in the world who likes this kind of things. During those times I did a lot of self-bondage; alone and secretly and it is quite a miracle that nothing too dangerous happened during those plays.

Oh yes, my boyscout times have also an importance in my kink development. But when did you start to live it in a sexual context?

It was a very long way for me to come out as a fetish guy and I was almost 40 years old when I started to fully accept that this is so strong part of my identity, which has followed me my whole life, that I should really be proudly myself as I am.

I had been talking about the fetishes with my close friend and he proposed that I should make some kind of art project to express and explore my fetishes. That was the kick which started my fetish social media in Instagram and Twitter. I never expected people to start to like the photos widely, but suddenly I realized that there is an amazing community, which really has helped me to come out as a fetish guy. The process of coming out had it’s kind of final step, when I took part to the Mr Fetish Finland 2020 contest and for that I needed to work it through that, if I had been nominated, I would have required to represent the community with my face. Even though I was not nominated, it was a great experience and a great mental process for myself.

nowadays I personally think that shame is something, which is not only harmful, but can be also very dangerous for people with fetishes

Why was it so hard to come out as kinkster?

It was a lot to do with shame. Fetishes, like SM, were diagnosed as mental disorder in Finland until 2011 and these interest has been traditionally seen as something shameful in the public. Still quite often the non-fetish people don’t easily understand this lifestyle. But nowadays I personally think that shame is something, which is not only harmful, but can be also very dangerous for people with fetishes. Shame drives fetishists to explore unsafe things alone or arrange meetings with unknown people anonymously without telling anyone.

Yes, shame and safety are often not going together. And I think safety is very important, even more if you get restricted by ropes or other tools. You’ve experiences as sub and rigger. Can you tell us a little about your safety measures as sub but also as top?

I’m very consent oriented especially when I tie up or dominate someone, so I do a lot of “endless” talks with the guys who ends up to my ropes. I try to understand their experiences, limits and wishes so that I have a holistic picture or map of the framework where we are playing in.

When the play gets harder, I also use certain communication ways which suit just that particular way of playing. For example if my sub is tightly muzzled, I give him a way to express that something is wrong.

Ropebondage has its own specific risk areas, which may not be obvious for most of the guys I tie up. So those risks needs to be briefed to the sub well before play.

As sub I follow pretty much the same guidelines as a dom. Which means basically that if there is no good communication from the guy who likes to dominate me and if I don’t feel he is capable to take care of my safety and respect my limits then there will be no play. Generally sitting for a cup of coffee tells a lot about people.

I’m also fortunate to be quite active in the fetish community, which gives some advantages to talk with other fetish guys, before entering into someone’s isolation box. The circles are quite small, especially here in Finland, but also internationally. There is always someone who has played with someone.

Besides developing a strong mental connection, I like to achieve bondage which is functional, aesthetic and safe

I’m quite sure your bondage skills have developed with the time. Can you tell us a little about the goals of bondage you’ve done in the beginnings and the bondage you’re doing now?

I have used ropes in bondage and in my hobbies like sailing and climbing quite a long time, so I have some prior knowledge about the ropes. But I started practice more Japanese style ropebondage or shibari few years ago. I think that any bondage gear are tools, which you use to get into that kind of play, which you are looking for. Ropes work very well for my personal likes as I like to put a lot of emphasis into the mental connection with my playmates. Besides developing a strong mental connection, I like to achieve bondage which is functional, aesthetic and safe. Especially with the ropes my skills have developed much in the perspective of understanding the anatomy and adjusting the tightness for different kind of ties. I also think that my eye has developed a bit for creating some aesthetics. But more I tie the more nuances I find which I like to learn.

Every kinkster has his fantasies and kink ideas he hasn’t still realized. Can you tell us about some of your fantasies you want to realize in the future?

So far my longest bondage play has been 25 hours. Now I’m planning to have a 48 hours play, which should happen in near future if things go as planned. I was talking with my friend about a few days prison camp play, which he has attended few times. That is something, which I haven’t done yet, but I definetely would love to do someday as a prisoner, if I have an opportunity.

What is the attraction of being a prisoner?

I believe that in a real life prison it would be pretty boring and frustrating, but in a kinky-minded prison play it could be pretty much fun. As a sub I appreciate a dom who has strength and determination to push me back to my sub-position again and again, which really emphasizes loosing my control… and I wouldn’t feel bad about loosing a rough wrestling with overpowering guards.